I always say that love is a combination of six things: Care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust. And it’s like baking a cake. You may have all five ingredients and miss one and so your cake isn’t going to happen. I think the majority of people in the United States have a lot of care in our lives, but we don’t always have a lot of love. I think it’s important to make that distinction, because you can care about somebody Monday through Friday and abuse them on Saturday. But in the practice of love, abuse is antithetical. You cannot love anyone and dominate them, hurt them, because once you’re doing that you’ve moved yourself out of love.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Quote: bell hooks by way of Ms. Magazine
Finals Blog? What was I thinking.
So the last few days I was running around finishing a paper submitted today. I'm happy with it but now onto the next! The next paper is due tomorrow before 5 but since I work from 2 - 5pm, this means the paper is due before 2pm. Therefore, I have to get back to that. I'm going to call it quits on the whole updating everyone. Why didn't anyone respond and tell me it wasn't a good idea? That I should put more energy in doing the work than talking about it? Thanks guys. Thanks a lot.
Off I go. Countdown to the finish line: 4 days.
Off I go. Countdown to the finish line: 4 days.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Finals Chronicles of a Struggling Grad Student: Day 2
The definition of failing. The only things I actually did was grading and as much as I love my students, that will definitely not get me an A in any of my classes this semester.
At about 11pm I convinced myself that I should go home and go to sleep early then wake up at 445am. Now before you just say that it is impossible, I've done it multiple times this semester and have been successful. However, last night was not that night. My alarm rang and I remember waking up and starting to do work, I outlined the paper due Monday and seemed frustrated and confused. Next thing I know the scene changes and a number of disconcerting things are happening around me with those that I care most about. I wont go into the gory details but the main point is that I WAS SLEEPING. Things felt so real. I ended up waking up at 640 am pissed and really flustered. I felt like I hadn't slept at all so I somehow convinced myself to stay in bed until about 740AM.
Now its way past the time I had envisioned waking up and I still wasn't prepared to lead class at 930AM. Big problem? Nope. It was a final exam review and I was allowed to quickly go through main topics without prepping much. This led to having to work until 5PM. Grabbing dinner and then logging my failed attempts at being productive now.
Let's hope this night is more productive. Tomorrow we have a class project/community engagement to take part in from 11 - 2 which means I'll be unproductive from 10 - 3. AHHHHHH. Ok ... Had to freak out for a second. I am lucid again.
Grind attempt #2 commences now ...
At about 11pm I convinced myself that I should go home and go to sleep early then wake up at 445am. Now before you just say that it is impossible, I've done it multiple times this semester and have been successful. However, last night was not that night. My alarm rang and I remember waking up and starting to do work, I outlined the paper due Monday and seemed frustrated and confused. Next thing I know the scene changes and a number of disconcerting things are happening around me with those that I care most about. I wont go into the gory details but the main point is that I WAS SLEEPING. Things felt so real. I ended up waking up at 640 am pissed and really flustered. I felt like I hadn't slept at all so I somehow convinced myself to stay in bed until about 740AM.
Now its way past the time I had envisioned waking up and I still wasn't prepared to lead class at 930AM. Big problem? Nope. It was a final exam review and I was allowed to quickly go through main topics without prepping much. This led to having to work until 5PM. Grabbing dinner and then logging my failed attempts at being productive now.
Let's hope this night is more productive. Tomorrow we have a class project/community engagement to take part in from 11 - 2 which means I'll be unproductive from 10 - 3. AHHHHHH. Ok ... Had to freak out for a second. I am lucid again.
Grind attempt #2 commences now ...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Finals Chronicles of a Struggling Grad Student: Day 1
I don't think anyone would believe the hell I'm about to endure (all of my own doing - procrastination is the devil) within the next few days. Since I have been completely ghost in the past few months I decided to reward all of my friends and family with some real life humor, at my expense.
It's Thursday April 28th at 9:30 PM. I just got to the library after pretending to nap although my mind was racing and unable to focus on sleep. I drive to Starbucks and get a tall Caramel Macchiato using 6 out of the 14 dollars left in my bank account). Don't know why I couldn't make my own coffee. I decided I wanted to be bougie.
I made an impossible to do list for the night but here it goes
10 - 11PM: Grade Student Papers
11 - 12 PM: Write 4 page journal response
12 - 1AM: Continue working on journal response
1 - 2AM: Finish Creating students final exam
2 - 3AM: Prepare Review for Final exam (to be delivered tomorrow morning at 9:30AM)
3 - 4 AM: Continue grading papers
4 - 7 AM: Sleep
7AM on ... - continue with my life of torture (again all of my own doing)
I figure writing it out to the world will keep my accountable. Keep reading in the next few days I'm sure things will get more entertaining as I go in and out of states of delirium.
It's Thursday April 28th at 9:30 PM. I just got to the library after pretending to nap although my mind was racing and unable to focus on sleep. I drive to Starbucks and get a tall Caramel Macchiato using 6 out of the 14 dollars left in my bank account). Don't know why I couldn't make my own coffee. I decided I wanted to be bougie.
I made an impossible to do list for the night but here it goes
10 - 11PM: Grade Student Papers
11 - 12 PM: Write 4 page journal response
12 - 1AM: Continue working on journal response
1 - 2AM: Finish Creating students final exam
2 - 3AM: Prepare Review for Final exam (to be delivered tomorrow morning at 9:30AM)
3 - 4 AM: Continue grading papers
4 - 7 AM: Sleep
7AM on ... - continue with my life of torture (again all of my own doing)
I figure writing it out to the world will keep my accountable. Keep reading in the next few days I'm sure things will get more entertaining as I go in and out of states of delirium.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Mistakes I make as an Instructor/Student
1. I'm impulsive. I want to get things done as soon as possible but sometimes some time and thought really make the decision easier to make.
2. I wear my emotions on my face.
3. I do not take criticism well.
4. I do not take advantage of the small half hour breaks in my day to do work.
This probably belongs in my personal journal but I don't have access to that so you all can see.
2. I wear my emotions on my face.
3. I do not take criticism well.
4. I do not take advantage of the small half hour breaks in my day to do work.
This probably belongs in my personal journal but I don't have access to that so you all can see.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Book List on the Theme of Love
Hey Everyone,
After asking some friend and including some of my own I have compiled a booklist around the theme of love. If you have any to add comment away!
After asking some friend and including some of my own I have compiled a booklist around the theme of love. If you have any to add comment away!
In the Name of Salome – Julia Alvarez
Jane Erye – Charlotte Bronte
Yvain: The Knight of the Lion: Chretien de Troyes Translated by Burton Raffel
Dear John – Nicholas Sparks
Young, gifted, and Black - Theresa Perry
All About Love: new visions - bell hooks
Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri
My Sister's Keeper – Jodi Picoult
A Second Nature – Alice Hoffman
Like Water for Chocolate – Laura Esquivel
Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love - Oscar Hijuelos
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison
Sunday, January 23, 2011
"To Survive By Leaving Something Behind"
I'm taking an Archival Theory and Practice class this semester and although it may sound like the most boring class in the world (have to admit @ times it is). It a class that makes me rethink my mark on the world (however small or large it is). With the recent wave of blogging, twitter, and facebook, everything we say is being documented whether we like it or not. So if, God forbid, I pass tomorrow you all will have an account of my thoughts, desires, and fears through all of these social networking sites. In effect, everyone who is technologically savvy is helping in archiving their own lives. They serve as our easily accessible diaries and photo albums.
The article I just read talks about the personal inclination of saving family history. Although I've never tried, I highly doubt any of these internet websites have information about my family or family tree especially since the older generations were not born in the United States. Earlier, I spoke about my personal archive but what about my family archive? My family is very silent. I have no idea what my mother was like at 22 (my current age) aside from the fact that my mother was in the Dominican Republic, in a long distance relationship with my father (who was in the states at the time), she worked to make money for the family since she was the second oldest, and lovedddd sweets lol. She apparently could never get enough of cakes, dulce, and anything in the dessert family which is something that remains to this day.
I know less of my father, other than he was in the states, and had several children already (half brothers and sisters). I know even less of my maternal grandmother, Baldomera Garcia, aside that she's the most chill person in the family, and nothing really of the other three grandparents since they never came to the states and have all passed. My connection to my family is so important emotionally but I don't know many factual things. I understand this is my own fault for not asking questions but its not really my family's personality to talk about personal things. Quite frankly we rarely talk. It took abut 17 years (my age) before my sister and I could have a real conversation that did not involve arguing. Instead, it involved emotions and opinions.
My greatest fear now is that those closest to me will pass and I will not have a record of them to show to my children. Due to immigration and the silence of my family we aren't the closest although my mother still keeps close contact with her family in the DR. What happens when the older generation is no longer around? With the exception of four cousins (all in the states) and of course my younger sister, those connections will be forever lost. I'm blessed to have a family, for better or worse, and need to document their memories. So when I head home, I'll use this platform (blog) to write their responses to whatever questions I ask them.
This will be really difficult and it's hard to explain why but for a lot of my family (including myself) the past is filled with bad memories and intense pain. I'm sure everyone has this in some sense but for my family its something not spoken about. No one discusses anything negative that has happened in the past which I'm sure I am guilty of in some fashion but I need to force myself.
In loving memory of my grandmother, Abuela Maelin. I am apparently a spitting image of but was never able to have a real conversation with her as her memory faded throughout my childhood. The only person to accept my father for all of his faults without question and the woman I wish I got to know while I had the chance. (Picture is of her and my father in the DR, the last time I went in the Summer of '06. She passed Summer '09 Rest In Peace Abuela)
The article I just read talks about the personal inclination of saving family history. Although I've never tried, I highly doubt any of these internet websites have information about my family or family tree especially since the older generations were not born in the United States. Earlier, I spoke about my personal archive but what about my family archive? My family is very silent. I have no idea what my mother was like at 22 (my current age) aside from the fact that my mother was in the Dominican Republic, in a long distance relationship with my father (who was in the states at the time), she worked to make money for the family since she was the second oldest, and lovedddd sweets lol. She apparently could never get enough of cakes, dulce, and anything in the dessert family which is something that remains to this day.
I know less of my father, other than he was in the states, and had several children already (half brothers and sisters). I know even less of my maternal grandmother, Baldomera Garcia, aside that she's the most chill person in the family, and nothing really of the other three grandparents since they never came to the states and have all passed. My connection to my family is so important emotionally but I don't know many factual things. I understand this is my own fault for not asking questions but its not really my family's personality to talk about personal things. Quite frankly we rarely talk. It took abut 17 years (my age) before my sister and I could have a real conversation that did not involve arguing. Instead, it involved emotions and opinions.
My greatest fear now is that those closest to me will pass and I will not have a record of them to show to my children. Due to immigration and the silence of my family we aren't the closest although my mother still keeps close contact with her family in the DR. What happens when the older generation is no longer around? With the exception of four cousins (all in the states) and of course my younger sister, those connections will be forever lost. I'm blessed to have a family, for better or worse, and need to document their memories. So when I head home, I'll use this platform (blog) to write their responses to whatever questions I ask them.
This will be really difficult and it's hard to explain why but for a lot of my family (including myself) the past is filled with bad memories and intense pain. I'm sure everyone has this in some sense but for my family its something not spoken about. No one discusses anything negative that has happened in the past which I'm sure I am guilty of in some fashion but I need to force myself.
In loving memory of my grandmother, Abuela Maelin. I am apparently a spitting image of but was never able to have a real conversation with her as her memory faded throughout my childhood. The only person to accept my father for all of his faults without question and the woman I wish I got to know while I had the chance. (Picture is of her and my father in the DR, the last time I went in the Summer of '06. She passed Summer '09 Rest In Peace Abuela)
Monday, January 17, 2011
MLK inspired
"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?"- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I stole the quote from @divafeminist so I'm not exactly sure where it comes from. But here goes my response.
I used to be a pretty judgmental person. It was probably the flaw that I hated the most about myself. So through active effort and years of experiences with different types of people as well as my own mistakes and accomplishments I don't think I am as judgmental as I used to be. People are people - imperfect. We do some crazy things no matter how good our initial intentions.
The tricky thing is that one of the things I used to really hate was when people spoke negatively about others. In addition to that, I loathed when people did not actively think about others instead of themselves. I no longer hate nor loathe either because I understand that if someone is spewing out some negative comments there is probably something going on with him or her. Or maybe they just really don't care which is fine as well. I also understand that if I'm not a fan of something, I can just say something instead of sitting there all uncomfortable or annoyed.
Maybe it is because I am the oldest or because I have a mother, who ONLY thinks of others (not an exaggeration), that I really value that ability. Sometimes people need to be selfish for a number of reasons which I understand but I think for the most part we only think in the "I." I'm not saying I am immune to it but I do try to check myself when I'm saying or doing something that might negatively effect someone else. Sure we come into this world alone but we sure don't live it alone. There are people around us - family, friends, strangers etc. I try to remember that people are effected by every move I make whether in a small or big way and this is the case for pretty much everyone. So in light of MLK day, I'm taking the time out to rethink how I interact with people as well as my overall plans in life and try to reevaluate whether I am the only one benefiting in my decisions.
Thinking aloud as always,
I stole the quote from @divafeminist so I'm not exactly sure where it comes from. But here goes my response.
I used to be a pretty judgmental person. It was probably the flaw that I hated the most about myself. So through active effort and years of experiences with different types of people as well as my own mistakes and accomplishments I don't think I am as judgmental as I used to be. People are people - imperfect. We do some crazy things no matter how good our initial intentions.
The tricky thing is that one of the things I used to really hate was when people spoke negatively about others. In addition to that, I loathed when people did not actively think about others instead of themselves. I no longer hate nor loathe either because I understand that if someone is spewing out some negative comments there is probably something going on with him or her. Or maybe they just really don't care which is fine as well. I also understand that if I'm not a fan of something, I can just say something instead of sitting there all uncomfortable or annoyed.
Maybe it is because I am the oldest or because I have a mother, who ONLY thinks of others (not an exaggeration), that I really value that ability. Sometimes people need to be selfish for a number of reasons which I understand but I think for the most part we only think in the "I." I'm not saying I am immune to it but I do try to check myself when I'm saying or doing something that might negatively effect someone else. Sure we come into this world alone but we sure don't live it alone. There are people around us - family, friends, strangers etc. I try to remember that people are effected by every move I make whether in a small or big way and this is the case for pretty much everyone. So in light of MLK day, I'm taking the time out to rethink how I interact with people as well as my overall plans in life and try to reevaluate whether I am the only one benefiting in my decisions.
Thinking aloud as always,
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
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